. . . what i got from the Beauty Shop. . .how to keep a man.

6 Dec

The Black Hair Salon experience is one of a kind–as it can be “hairaphy” && therapy. The salon is typically a place where women can escape from all that lies outside of the door and come out not only looking better than before but also feeling better. I go to a salon in a “artsy” area of Atlanta, filled with people from all walks of life: gay, lesbian, hetero, black, white. . . so its an open floor—as words flow, anything is bound to be unleashed.  As I walked in that day, my hair stylist daughter, who happens to be 24 and out of school as there, being that we are both around the same age–we sparked up conversation about what??–well, men of course.

It seems as if so many young women have  a hard time finding a nice young man. With the shortage of black men apparent in the country and even in small environments, like here at Howard with the 17:1 ratio–women are being more desperate than ever and men are loving it, with the flocking women being thier #1 Christmas gifts.

42% of Black women in America have never been married and 70% of Black women are single . . .why such startling statistics?

With alot of women having college degrees, and soaring to the top of their careers what is causing this disparity and furthermore changing the black family. Are men just feeling themselves? Or are women asking for way to much?

As a college student, I feel that it could be a mixture of both. Young men look at the bare minimum standards of “courting” a woman as being “too much.” So. . at Howard, men have become the chase, and women the chasers. How sad.

As I sat in the chair getting my hair pressed out from Gwen, who has been married for over 20 years, to the man she was dating since her 20’s she gave some advice to us and its only right to share this with the rest of the world:: women gain some control. All of these beautiful black women running around like chickens with their heads cut off–lets no.

So in her own way she gave us “3 ways to get and KEEP a man. .

1. DON’T BE SO AVAILABLE : Put your phone down. It is not always necessary to respond to text, or answer the phone when you are out with your friends or your mother. If you miss a call–the world will go on. Make time at your availability, and in your free time. You want a guy to miss you, seek you out, and wonder what you are doing–not vise vera. Doing this will allow you to keep so control of your relationship, your emotions, and your life.

2. DON’T GET TO INTIMATE TO QUICKLY: Let some things remain a mystery. I know the popular first date kissing rule, but that is often broken by the masses however, as fall as filling other levels of intimacy–make it work for it and wait for it. Be the challenge & the one woman who hasn’t given in so easily. You cant give just any guy, boyfriend and husband privileges only those that have been around and stayed around. If they are still there after the 4th date. . . then you can think more than twice about them and getting more intimate.

3. DONT PUT ALL YOUR EGGS IN ONE BASKET: Never get too comfortable. Always place those eggs (your feelings and time) in more than one basket. Don’t settle on just one person, and give all of your time to one person. What makes him sooo deserving? Is he doing the same?–How would you know? In the initial stages of a dating relationship, the conversations about commitment do arise but a few weeks is not long enough to truly know about someone–so in the mean time date other people and enjoy it. Putting all of your eggs in one basket will possible result in major heartbreak, but if the eggs are spread out, that means all of your energy is not given to one person, if one man leaves, 5 others will still be there. Have your fun!
These simple things have allowed women in the generation before us to build successful relationships and stay in them–so ladies, lets not think too much and just be smart.The things we see in movies are 9:10 un-realistic so stop basing your decisions off of TV love–this advice is birthed from real love.

Once I got out of the chair and out of the salon that day not only was I looking better–but feeling better too. As I walked out my phone rang . . . it was him, but I was about to hop in the car & head to the mall, I would call back later. :]



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